Silent Suffering
by anneryn7
Summary: I feel so out of control. I can't understand anything that's going on with me. I feel like I'm drowning in my life and I can't stop it or save myself. I need someone to save me; I can't do it myself. Bonnie/Damon
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: This is a completely different writing style then I typically use. The chapters will be short, but I'll update at least every few days. All I ask is that you give it a chance before bashing it.**

**I DO NOT OWN VAMPIRE DIARIES OR THE CHARACTERS**

Chapter One:

I feel so out of control. I can't understand anything that's going on with me. I feel like I'm drowning in my life and I can't stop it or save myself. I don't want to be dependent on someone else, when it feels like I don't have anyone that can help. Everything just feels so fucking hopeless. I can't get this to stop.

When will the pain go away? I can't remember ever being this messed up. I don't want to pawn my problems off on other people, especially when I don't know what my problems are. Whatever it is, I can feel it eating away at me, slowly, just picking at me, one piece at a time. I'm losing it. I can't keep doing this. It hurts too much. I can never escape the pain. All I have to do is lie with a smile and say that everything is fine, because that's all people actually want to hear. They don't want the gritty details of someone suffering.

I just want to let the pain out and be done with it. But, it's hidden from me. I can't feel it. When I'm not hurting, I'm numb. I can't do this. I'm not strong enough. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm supposed to be stronger. I'm supposed to be able to handle my life. I'm not even strong enough to do that. I was never strong. I'm not good enough for anything, especially happiness. I don't deserve it. Fitting, because I never seen to have much. I tried so hard to live up to the expectations. No matter how hard I try, I always fall short.

Show me what to do. I'm flying blind, with nothing. I don't know which way is up anymore. I need something. I can't keep doing this by myself, but options are there? How do I stop myself from crumbling when I have no rock? I watch bits of myself fall away. The essence continues to leave me; soon I'll have nothing left.

**Author's Note: reviews please. I want your guys' thoughts on this. Damon will be in future chapters. **

**XOXO**

**~Anneryn**


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note: Thank you so much for all of the encouraging reviews! I'm glad to know that people are actually enjoying this so far. Here's the next chapter for you.**

**I DO NOT OWN VAMPIRE DIARIES OR THE CHARACTERS**

Chapter Two:

I turned my head when I heard footsteps outside of my bedroom door. I hastily wiped at my tears and mopped up my face with my sleeve. He doesn't need to see me cry. He doesn't need to be a part of this. I doubt he would want to be, in the first place. It's not what he signed up for. The only reason my father even bothered to come home, was because Grams died. She died, and it took him this long to "pull himself away from work"… yeah, I'm sure that's exactly what he did.

"Bonnie Bear?" He asked as he opened my door. I looked up at him, curiously.

"Yeah, Dad?" I responded. I thought he already went to bed.

"I just wanted to make sure that you were alright. Are you okay?" He asked me, quietly, concerned. I just nodded.

"Yeah Dad, I'm fine." I told him, with a small smile. He nodded, relieved and left my room, shutting my bedroom door after him. I just shook my head. He's always been one to believe anything. But, can I really blame the man? He fell apart after my mom died. He pushed himself into his work, and couldn't stand being anywhere close to home… or me.

I grabbed a jacket and a bit of money. I put my phone into my jeans pocket and left my room as quietly as I could. I know I won't be missed, and he'll never even realize that I was gone. I went downstairs quickly, making sure that I still had my car keys in my jacket pocket.

I got in the car and just drove. I ended up pulling off at some dinner. I just need to think. And I felt like I was suffocating, alive in my room. The walls just stood there, taunting me.

I found a booth and sat down. I picked up the menu and looked at it. If I plan on staying, I should probably at least buy something, even if I just let it sit in front of me. I sighed and laid the menu back on the table before me. A waiter walked over to take my order.

"Can I get you anything tonight?" He asked. I looked up at him.

"A coffee and some onion rings would be good." I told him. He nodded, looking like he wanted to say something more.

"Need anything with them?" He asked.

"Ranch," I told him. He nodded and left, looking back at me. I sighed and looked out the window next to me. What am I going to do with myself? I can't leave every time things get rough. What the hell am I going to do? This is all so fucked up. I just… I can't do this. I know I sound like a broken record, but nothing has changed. I just deal with the same thing, day in and day out.

"Is this seat taken?" A voice asked me. I looked up, surprised. My gaze met none other than: Damon Salvatore. What the hell does he want? I have nothing left to give. I sure as hell don't have anything he wants. Why the fuck would anyone want anything from me? I'm surprised my charade has lasted this long.

"It is now." I told him, without giving him direct eye contact. I don't have to look at him to see him. What could he want?

**Author's Note: Reviews are welcome and will help speed up the writing process.**

**XOXO**

**~Anneryn**


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Note: Hope you guys continue to like this. I've decided I really like the shorter chapters. It's a lot easier to update faster. **

**I DO NOT OWN VAMPIRE DIARIES OR THE CHARACTERS**

Chapter Three:

Great, just great. The whole point of leaving, was to go somewhere that I would be able to be alone with my thoughts. Now I have the infamous Damon Salvatore to accompany me. Not that I mind the company, because it honestly feels like the majority of my time is spent alone.

Though, even when I'm not technically alone, it feels like no one I'm around cares… or even seems to notice that anything is wrong, so I end up feeling alone regardless. So, I can't justify my need to be alone at this particular moment. I just, don't want to be around people, or left alone with my thoughts. But, I hate being left alone with my thoughts. Honestly, they scare me.

Whenever I start thinking about something for too long, or just the wrong thing, something in me just snaps and I break down. I can't control it. I just start sobbing, and sort of… detach myself from anything that's going on around me as it happens. And, I can't do that in front of people. I can't lose control…. Or have people see me lose control, it shows weakness, my weakness. I can't have that. It's when I'm alone that everything falls apart.

"And what brings you here at this time of night?" Damon questioned. I looked up at him with my eyebrows raised. "What, can't I ask you a simple question?" Damon inquired. I gave him a tired glare. He chuckled.

"I just needed to get out of the house." I told him, simply. It's the truth. Nothing in what I said was a lie. I'm thankful for that, because a person can only lie about so much without feeling like a lie themselves. I already feel like I'm living a lie… and half the time, it seems like my life is a joke, so I suppose it wouldn't really matter.

"And you felt the need to get coffee at the middle of the night?" He asked, somewhat snarky. I shrugged.

"Why not?" I countered. He looked at me, for a moment, before responding.

"Touché; at least you aren't sacrificing goats." He agreed, as an afterthought. I gave a small laugh. He gave me his signature smirk.

"Well, that was next on my list, so…" I told him. His smirk broadened.

"Well, I don't know about goats. I mean, as exciting as that sounds, you could always go do something with me, and spare the goats for a night." He offered. I looked at him confused.

"Oh? And what would we do?" I asked him. He looked at me, seriously, and leaned forward.

"I can think of a few things." He said, looking me over. My curiosity melted into slight anger.

"Really Damon, really?" I asked him, annoyed. He smirked with a slight shake of his head.

"I have something in mind. What if I told you that I would take you out with me, and show you a good time, that didn't involve sacrificing animals?" He tried, again. I thought about his words, and took what he said into consideration. Honestly, I would say: what have I got to lose? But, at the same time, it's Damon. And, right now, anything is better staying alone… thinking about this. If it gets weird, I can always leave.

"Alright, but," I started to tell him. He gave me an odd look that cut me off.

"And I guess I can refrain from trying to get into your pants." He said, tiredly. I actually laughed. He looked at me and smirked.

"Let me finish my coffee, and we can go." I told him. What have I gotten myself into?

**Author's Note: Just push that magical, little review button; you know the drill. Lol. I like hearing what you guys think.**

**XOXO**

**~Anneryn**


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's Note: Here's another chapter for you awesome readers! The next chapter will have more Bonnie/Damon interaction in it.**

**I DO NOT OWN VAMPIRE DIARIES OR THE CHARACTERS**

**Music Credit: Just Tonight – The Pretty Reckless**

Chapter Four:

I followed Damon out of the diner. I already paid the waiter. My mind flooded with endless possibilities. What is he planning? Not knowing makes me nervous, but let's face it: what doesn't make me nervous these days? It's all about the mask. It doesn't matter how affected I am, as long as people can't see it. Show no weakness; don't show them your faults when they can use them against you… rules to live by.

Damon stopped moving, suddenly. He turned around to face me.

"I'm going to need your keys." He told me. I gave him a confused look. He sighed.

"Look, it's not like I could actually do anything _too bad _with them. We're taking your car, Bennett. So, _please_ give me your keys." Damon said. I looked him over, as I mulled it over. I reluctantly handed him my keys.

"You can drive, but if you change the station, I'll light you on fire." I told him, seriously. He looked at me and smirked.

"You wouldn't hurt little, old me." He said, smirking. I looked at him and raised my eyebrows.

"I have before, and habits die hard. Tempt me, if you want. You're corpse." I told him, getting into the passenger's seat of my car. He laughed, uneasily as he got into the driver's side. He turned on the car and got situated.

_Here I am and I can't seem to see straight._

_But I'm too numb, to feel right, now._

_Here I am, watching the clock that's ticking away my time._

_I'm too numb, to feel right, now._

He shot me a sideways glance as he listened to my choice of music. I shrugged and he started to drive.

"You know, you can talk to me." Damon said, finally. I looked at him, giving him a questioning look. "There's no law that says you can't. And I probably won't kill you." He told me. I laughed.

"I'm aware, Damon. No offense, but you're not exactly the most trustworthy." I told him. He glared at me.

"Oh, that hurts, SO much." He said, sarcastically. "Don't take this the wrong way, but you act like you close yourself off to the world. And, I know what that's like. And, I'm just saying that if you ever need to, you know, talk, you can talk to me. I don't have people I can talk to about things, not anything non-Katherine related, anyway. And, by the looks of things lately, I don't see talking buddies lining up at your door, either." Damon said, simply.

I glared, inwardly. How does he do that? How can he just say exactly what I need to hear, and expect me to stay unaffected? Of course I need someone to talk to, but what would I say? I don't even know where I would start? The beginning? After all, everything always starts at the beginning.

If I knew that I could trust Damon, things would be so much easier. But, isn't that what trust comes down to? You have put yourself out there, and give information away that could hurt you, and believe that the person you are sharing yourself with, won't hurt you. But, can I trust Damon Salvatore?

**Author's Note: Review, review. Lol. I'll have the next chapter up soon!**

**XOXO**

**~Anneryn**


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's Note: Here's another chapter for you all. ^_^**

**I DO NOT OWN VAMPIRE DIARIES OR THE CHARACTERS**

Chapter Five:

"Thank you." I told him, finally. He looked over at me and nodded. As much as it pains me to admit it, I hate not knowing what he's thinking. "Where are we going?" I asked him. He smirked.

"You'll find out soon enough." He told me. "How about this, we play a little question game. I ask you something, and you have to answer honestly. Then, later you'll get your turn, and you can ask me anything you want, and I won't lie to you." He proposed. I looked at him for a moment, dumbstruck. Is he serious?

"And how do I know that what I tell you will just stay between me and you?" I asked him. He raised his eyebrows and looked at me. "Or that I'll even get to ask you questions?" I countered.

"Do you trust me Bonnie?" He asked me.

"You've never really given me a reason to." I told him. He shook his head.

"That's not what I asked you." He argued. "I asked you if you trusted me." He said, correcting me. I looked at him, knowing that he was right. That is what he asked, and I hadn't given him an answer. Though, in all actuality, he hadn't answered my questions either.

"Why are you asking me that?" I asked him. He let out a short, bitter laugh.

"Because, it's what this comes down to. Do you trust me, Bonnie Bennett?" He asked. I sighed before looking at him.

"I really shouldn't, Damon. But… I do. It' makes absolutely no sense to speak of, but I trust you." I grudgingly admitted. If delving further into witchcraft has taught me anything, it's that I should always trust my instincts. And I know that I shouldn't be naïve enough to think that my gut will never be wrong… it doesn't change the fact that if I don't trust myself, I don't have a lot left. And, I do trust him. I know that I probably shouldn't, and I have no way of justifying that trust, but I do. I trust him, and now… he knows it. But, that doesn't change the fact that I am going to continue to be cautious around him.

"Alright, then. Answer me this, Witch: how long have you hated yourself?" He finally asked. I looked at him, shocked. He left me speechless.

"Too long," I finally told him.

**Author's Note: The next chapter will have more questions from Damon and more answers from Bonnie. Thoughts are more than welcome! Reviews would be lovely.**

**XOXO**

**~Anneryn**


	6. Chapter 6

**Author's Note: Alright, SO this chapter is a little bit longer than all the others. I wanted to get more questions into the chapter, without leaving you hanging, completely. Lol. Thank you so much for all the awesome reviews! You guys are amazing!**

**I DO NOT OWN VAMPIRE DIARIES OR THE CHARACTERS**

Chapter Six:

I bit the inside of my cheek and looked out the window, in effort to avoid Damon's face. I was fighting back tears. It's never something that I've actually said out loud or admitted to myself. How long have I hated myself? The answer I gave him "too long", it's the truth. But honestly, I hated myself as long as I could remember.

Waking up every morning is difficult, when I can't even stand the person that I've become much less look at my own reflection without being repulsed. I'm not sure when this revelation took place. It's just something that I've gotten used to and learned to live with. All the good things I used to feel… I miss them. The rest of the good things, that I had, they died with Grams. That was the icing on my steadily degrading cake.

She was someone that always supported me. I never had to question if she would be there for me. She was extra strength when I needed it. And, I lost my mom when I was so young. I barely remember her. My dad has never embraced the parental role. He's never cared enough to.

Damon fiddled with the radio and I looked over at him. He locked eyes with me, and gave me a sad look of understanding. He didn't have to say anything. It's all I could do, to refrain from crying.

"Anything else you want to know?" I asked him quietly, my voice crackling. He thought it over for a moment.

"How old were you when your mom died?" He finally asked. I sighed.

"I was five." I told him. He nodded.

"Do you blame me for Sheila's death?" He asked me quietly. I looked at him, genuinely surprised.

"No, of course not," I told him, honestly. Why would he think that?

"Why don't you talk to Elena anymore?" He asked me. I looked over at him, warily. "You two used to be like this." He said, crossing his fingers. "Now I barely even see you two together." He voiced. I nodded.

"We just grew apart." I told him, simply. He shot me a side glance.

"I'm not buying that. You said you'd be honest, remember? For that to work, you have to actually be honest with me." He said, calling me out on my almost lie.

"Fine, I don't trust her anymore. Is that what you want to hear?" I asked him, exasperated. "She decided that Stefan was more important than everything else in her life. Everything got left behind. She didn't have room or time for me. She didn't want to talk to me, so we gradually stopped talking. And, now, our conversations are superficial and forced. The trust isn't there anymore. I just… I don't trust her anymore." I told him. He looked at me, confused. "Satisfied?" I asked him.

He smirked and looked over at me.

"Not yet, but there are a few ways that you could help with that," he told me. I scoffed. The nerve, he has.

"What else do you want to know?" I asked him.

"Everything," he told me, seriously. "But, I'll settle for you telling me why you decided to go out with me tonight." He answered. I shrugged, before answering him.

"I didn't see the harm." I told him, trying not to elaborate.

"Bonnie, do we really have to go through all of this again?" He asked, amused.

"Fine, I just didn't want to be alone with my thoughts, alright?" I told him. He nodded.

"Fair enough… next question: do you consider this to be a date?" He asked. I shook my head, while locking eye contact with him. "Would you go on a date with me?" He asked me. I didn't do anything for a second. I nodded, slowly.

"I would." I told him.

"So… If I told you that I wanted tonight, as in right now, and the rest of the night, to be a date. What would you say?" He asked. I shrugged.

"I'm not sure." I told him.

"Alright… I want this to be a date." He told me. I nodded.

"Then you better act like a gentleman." I told him. He smirked.

"I can behave myself." He told me. I snorted with laughter. "Well… I can try. Last question: are you ready?" He asked me. I just stared at him and raised my eyebrows. That man can do "vague" like no other. "We're here, and we're dancing. Then, when we move to part two of the night, you'll get your turn for questions." He promised.

**Author's Note: I know I've used dancing in my other fics. BUT who doesn't like to go out dancing? And let's face it: Damon dancing = hot stuff. Anyhow, reviews would be great. :~)**

**XOXO**

**~Anneryn**


	7. Chapter 7

**Author's Note: I seriously meant to have this chapter up yesterday, I just got slammed with things that had to get done (one of those being: having a party, lol). **

**OH! And anyone who hasn't listened to the song that Damon and Bonnie are dancing to, should definitely check it out. The lyrics are kind of dirty, but the song is amazing. Anywho, I hope you all enjoy this! :^)**

**I DO NOT OWN VAMPIRE DIARIES OR THE CHARACTERS**

**Music Credit: Porn Star Dancing – My Darkest Days featuring Chad Kroeger, Zakk Wylde, and Ludacris**

Chapter Seven:

"Let's do this." I told him, showing him that I was at least trying to be ready. He smirked and turned into a parking space. He turned off the car and got out. He walked over to my side of the car and opened my door for me. Before I could say anything, he helped me out of the car and pulled me to him. I didn't say anything. He locked the car and pocketed my keys.

"Are you ready to shake that gorgeous body of yours, and forget about your troubles?" Damon asked me, smirking.

"It's worth a shot." I answered. He chuckled and wrapped an arm around my waist, steering me inside. We walked into some club that I've never been to before. My guess is that you have to be 21 to come to this one. But, since Damon can compel people, I doubt we'll be carded, or doubt our age.

Damon talked to the bouncer outside of the club doors for a moment, too quietly for me to hear. The bouncer looked over at me and nodded and let us inside. Damon tightened his grip around my waist and let his hand drop, just slightly, and graze my butt. I shot his a questioning look. He feigned innocence and winked at me. I rolled my eyes. I guess this is a date… and this is Damon. I'm not sure why I expected anything different.

"How often do you dance, Bonnie?" He asked me, turning to face me, before we reached the bar. I considered his words.

"In front of people… not often." I told him, truthfully. He chuckled.

"You've got a body made for dancing." He told me, eyeing me. I fought a blush. He smirked, wickedly. Well, he was right about something: being around him is distracting me enough to make me forget about my problems. It's nice, even if it is just for a little while.

"So why are we still talking?" I asked him, with a small smirk of my own.

"Ooh and she's got sass. I like it." Damon told me. He let go of my waist and grabbed my hand instead. He led me to the bar. He looked at me, and I nodded. He turned his attention to the bar tender and smiled.

"I'll have bourbon, no ice. And she'll have…" He started to order, then looked at me to continue.

"I'll have a Coke and Bacardi." I finished ordering. The bartender looked me over and nodded, mixing the drinks. He handed me my glass with a smile. I nodded in appreciation. Damon glared at the guy after accepting his drink. I sipped mine and handed it back to the guy bartending.

"Too strong?" He asked, smirking. I shook my head, meeting his gaze.

"Not strong enough." I told him. He laughed and added more rum. Damon smirked and drink from his cup. I took the cup from the bartender and faced Damon.

"Bottoms up." He told me. I nodded and we clinked glasses. I downed my poison of choice as quickly as I could. Damon finished his a bit faster. "Shall we?" He asked, holding his hand out to me. I smiled.

"After you pay the man, we shall." I told him. Damon gave the bartender a twenty.

"Keep the change," he said, pulling me over to the music. We didn't stop walking until we were surrounded by moving bodies. Damon pulled me close to him and leaned down, until his mouth was touching my ear. "Lose yourself, Bonnie. Let loose in the music." He whispered seductively. Fuck me. My body shuttered. He placed his hands on my hips and turned me around, slowly. He pressed his front to my back. We started moving and grinding to the music.

_Your body's lightin' up the room._

_I want a naughty girl like you._

_There's nothing harder to do._

_Stacy's gonna save herself for marriage,_

_But that's just not my style._

_She's got a pair that's nice to stare at,_

_But I want girls gone wild._

He slid his hands up my sides, slowly as we moved to the music. I moved my hips against him and rolled my stomach. I closed my eyes and let the music flow through me. He's right. I just need to lose myself in the music. I can feel the alcohol buzzing in my system. If we're letting loose, might as well do it right. I raised my hands to hair and moved my head. Damon leaned forward and raked his teeth against my neck. I groaned and continued to move against him. He hissed in pleasure and moved one of his hands to the inside of my thigh. He brought it slowly up closer to my heat. I threw my head back, against him, and put my hands on his hips and gave him a squeeze.

_She wraps those hands around the pole._

_She licks her lips and off we can go._

_She takes it off nice and slow,_

_Because it's porn star dancin'._

Our dancing became steadily more heated. His free hand moved up my side and cupped my chest. He slid a hand up my shirt and stroked my on the outside of my bra. I moaned and grabbed his butt. I felt his smile against me.

_She don't play nice; she makes me beg._

_She drops that dress around her legs,_

_And I'm sittin' right by the stage for this_

_Porn star dancin'._

I'm not sure how long we danced for; all I know is that I don't want it to stop anytime soon. Agreeing to go out with Damon Salvatore is the best decision that I could have made… and we haven't even gotten to the questions yet.

**Author's Note: I know that this chapter is considerably longer than all the rest of the chapters, but I had to get the dancing in. :^) Please let me know what you think and review. More Bamon goodness next chapter! **

**XOXO**

**~Anneryn**


	8. Chapter 8

**Author's Note: Here's chapter eight, lovelies! More Bamon goodness, just as promised!**

**I DO NOT OWN VAMPIRE DIARIES OR THE CHARACTERS… just a vivid imagination.**

Chapter Eight:

Damon got a better grip on my thighs and continued to tease me. I hissed, but it was lost in the music. I turned in his grip, so I was now facing him. He continued to grind. I locked eyes with him. This held a new kind of intimacy, I felt both exposed and protected.

"Tell me what you're thinking." He whispered. I'm amazed that I could hear him over my heartbeat and the music. I could feel his breath on my face.

"I…" I started, unsure of how it would sound once I got the words out. He continued to gaze at me, and moved closer. He slid a knee in between my legs and a hand to the small of my back. "I like being lost in you." I whispered, fighting the urge to look away.

"Careful Witch, who says I'll give you back?" He asked quietly, with a dark glint in his eyes. He gave me shivers and made my body tingle. I'm not used to this.

"Who says I want you to?" I challenged. His face quickly turned from amusement to seriousness. His gaze flickered from my eyes to my lips. He closed to distance between us by covering my lips with his own. I moaned into the kiss; I couldn't help myself. He moved his mouth against mine and I moved my hands to around his neck. I tangled one in his hair, holding him closer to me. His grip on my side tightened and the other dropped down and cupped my butt, keeping me to him.

"Bonnie," he breathed, against my lips. "We should really start phase two of the night." He said, quietly. I nodded, trying to process his words. I can't think properly, with him so close to me.

"Another drink first?" I asked him. He smirked at me, and nodded. But, we didn't stop moving. He kept moving against each other. Damon never stopped rocking his hips against mine. It was hypnotic. I never wanted to move, but he was right. If we didn't stop this soon, we'd go too far. We broke apart, and he laid an arm around my shoulders. I put an arm around his waist.

The bartender smirked when he saw us, but didn't say anything. We didn't even have to order our drinks. He handed the drinks to us, wordlessly. We tapped our glasses together and downed them. I smiled at the bartender, lazily. He put more of a kick in this glass then he had before. I was already feeling the effects of the alcohol. This is more like it.

"Thank-a-you," I murmured appreciatively. He smiled. Damon gave him another twenty and we headed for the car.

Once we were in the car, Damon looked at me.

"Save your questions for a few minutes longer. I have another surprise for you." He told me, smirking.

**Author's Note: There you have it! I hope you enjoyed it! Please review, they make me feel all warm inside and make me want to write faster! ^_^**

**PS- Bonnie will be asking Damon her questions next chapter!**

**XOXO**

**~Anneryn**


	9. Chapter 9

**Author's Note: Okay, SO Bonnie doesn't ask the questions just yet. I really wanted to get this chapter up. SO, I'm majorly sorry. BUT, the next chapter with the questions WILL be up TONIGHT. I promise! **

**I DO NOT OWN VAMPIRE DIARIES OR THE CHARACTERS.**

Chapter Nine:

What else could he possibly have planned? Did he have this planned before he even got to the diner? How did he know that I would agree to go out with him, if that really is the case?

"Damon," I said in a quiet, husky voice. I saw a flicker of lust coat his eyes, momentarily.

"Not 'til we get there," he warned. I made a face at him.

"This question doesn't count." I argued. He thought it over, and nodded.

"Fine, but if it does, then you're going to have to repay me, any way I see fit." He told me, smirking with devious eyes. I nodded, grudgingly.

"Were you planning this?" I asked him. He raised his eyebrows, in question, innocently. "This, tonight, the date. Did you come to the diner, with this planned out?" I specified. I saw a look of understanding dawn in his eyes.

"I admit that I might have been hoping to catch up with my favorite little witch, but no, I didn't have this planned." He told me, seriously. I nodded.

"Alright," I said, simply.

"I think you're the only person to give me too much credit." He muttered. I giggled. He laughed with me. I couldn't help it, dancing and being with him had put me in a far better mood, not to mention the alcohol still coursing through my system.

"Why'd you kiss me?" I asked, without really thinking.

"Bonnie that counts as a question. You're going to have to pay me." He said, with a slight wiggle of his eyebrows. I rolled my eyes.

"If I have to pay up, you might as well answer my question." I pointed out, logically. I turned my attention back to the window beside me. I moved to quickly, and I felt slightly lightheaded.

"Because I want you," he said, quietly. I nodded, but didn't say anything else. Before I realized what he was doing, he pulled into the woods and kept driving. Something told me that I should be worried, but my gut was telling me that everything was fine. He kept driving until he came to a clearing. He turned off the car and got out. He helped me out of the car, just like he did before.

"What is this place? I've never been here before." I told him, honestly. He shrugged.

"We're in the woods. No one really comes here, especially this time of night. We can walk, and you can ask me questions." He told me. I nodded. Why won't he tell me exactly where we are? Is it some secret? He let go of me and started walking. I staggered a bit, and straightened out.

"Um, Damon," I called after him. He turned around, curiously. "Can I hold onto you, while we walk?" I asked him, with a small laugh. He smirked and put an arm around my shoulders. I slipped my hand around his back and we walked. I leaned my head on his shoulder; we were walking slowly, so it wasn't a problem.

**Author's Note: Again, I'm super sorry! But, review anyways, please. Apologies and love!**

**XOXO**

**~Anneryn**


	10. Chapter 10

**Author's Note: Here is chapter ten, with questions, just as promised! :^) **

**I DO NOT OWN VAMPIRE DIARIES OR THE CHARACTERS**

Chapter Ten:

"So, I may be wrong, but I think this is the part when you are me all of your dirty little questions." Damon said, sarcastically. I laughed and rolled my eyes. As soon as my amusement was here, it was gone. Everything that I've been dealing with came flooding back.

Damon must have realized that I stopped moving, because he came to a stop, when he realized that was practically dragging me along with him. He turned to face me. I barely noticed. Everything in front of me seemed to glaze over. I got the sinking feeling in my stomach. I felt nauseous. I felt a pang in my heart and I have no idea where it's coming from. I felt my legs start to give out, but Damon moved in front of me and caught me. We stayed that way for awhile. He just stood there, holding me… supporting me.

I remembered that as soon as this night was over, I'd be going home. I'd be going back to everything that I've tried so fucking hard to forget about, if only for awhile. The same feelings will overwhelm me and return: the same nagging feelings that I'm worthless and I amount to nothing. I can't do it anymore. I don't know how to handle my life or myself. I don't know how to stop or what to do.

I heard something but couldn't make out what it was. I was finally able to focus on Damon in front of me. He had been saying my name.

"Bonnie, stay with me." He commanded, softly. I blinked, unable to do anything without breaking down completely. I didn't used to be like this…. I used to be strong. I used to be so many things. Now, I'm just a withered shell of a girl that I used to be. I'm nothing better than a goddamned shadow.

"I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry. God, I'm sorry." I just kept apologizing, over and over again. He looked at me. He looks almost as lost and confused as I am. "I'm sorry Damon. I'm sorry." I told him. He shook his head and pulled me against his chest.

"Let it out. You have nothing to be sorry for, Bonnie." He told me. I shook my head against his chest.

"I can't. I can't do it." I told him.

"You can't do what?" He asked.

"If I do, if I let it out, I won't be able to stop. I can't. I just can't." I tried to explain it to him. I felt him nod. I kept shaking my head. "Let's go. I-I, I'm supposed to ask you my questions." I said quietly. I pulled away from him, slowly. I hate the look he gave me. He looks like he's scared for me. That makes me want to break all over again. I don't want him to know how broken I am.

"Why did you try to kill me?" I asked him, quietly. He blinked a few times, confused.

"It wasn't you I was trying to kill." He answered, quietly. "I was trying to get Emily." He added. I nodded, blankly.

"Why do you want me?" I asked him, quietly. My question sounded more like choked out words. My eyes were filling with unwanted, unshed tears.

"I want you… because I'm fascinated about who you are." He whispered, looking directly into my eyes.

"Why?" I asked him, barely registering that I was asking him this out loud.

"You're strong, stronger than anyone realizes or gives you credit for. You're falling apart, and hanging on by a thread, but you put everyone else first. You never let your pain show." He whispered, stroking the side of my face.

"What could you want with someone broken?" I asked him, my voice cracking.

"You were already beautiful; your imperfections only make you more enchanting. And, how can you be broken when you're trying so hard to stay together. Bonnie, you've been through… What you've been through… was hell. I-I don't think that you're broken beyond repair. Let me help you, or at least try. I don't want to see this happen to you." He said, in a husky whisper.

"Why does it matter so much to you?" I asked him, letting my confusion show.

"You don't deserve it. Of all people, you don't deserve _this_." He told me, his lips inching closer and closer to mine. I forgot how to breathe. I closed the gap between us. As soon as our mouths connected, something snapped inside of me. Tears started flowing. My closed eyelids couldn't stop them. I shook and trembled against him. He didn't flinch or pull away. Damon pulled me closer and deepened the kiss. He held me tighter as he thrust his tongue into my mouth. I choked out a gasp and let everything go in the kiss. I don't know why I can't hide things from him.

**Author's Note: I'm pretty sure I typed this out in twenty minutes or less. But, inspiration hit, SO I hope that it didn't disappoint. With that, I'll ask if you'd review and let me know what you think.**

**XOXO**

**~Anneryn**


	11. Chapter 11

**Author's Note: Here is the next installment, my lovelies! :^) Oh, I know that the chapters are short, but this is the easiest length to keep up with. So, please bear with me. **

**I DO NOT OWN VAMPIRE DIARIES OR THE CHARACTERS.**

Chapter Eleven:

Everything that has happened tonight has been a whirlwind. I'm not sure what I think about anything. If someone would have told me that I would feel this way about Damon, seven hours ago I would have laughed in their face and called them ludicrous. But, my definitions of sanity and allies have changed so much.

We ended up leaving the woods and going back to the Salvatore boarding house. I sat on Damon's bed and leaned against his headboard.

"Am I still allowed to ask you questions?" I asked him, quietly. He looked at me and nodded.

"You can, if I can… but yes." He answered. I nodded.

"So, what does this make us?" I asked him. Damon furrowed his brow, surprised. He sat next to me and looked into my eyes.

"What do you want _us_ to be?" He asked me. I sighed, that's just the thing, I don't know what I want this to be… us to be. I just know that things seem to be a whole better with around. And I know that we don't have to figure this out now or tonight even… but if I wait, I'll probably use my nerve. I've still got a fuck load of alcohol in my system, and at least it's giving me a bit confidence.

"I-I don't know." I told him, looking at him for some sort of answer. "What do you want?" I asked him, quietly, not daring to say anything any louder.

"It's not about me, Bonnie." Damon whispered, eyeing my lips.

"Isn't it?" I challenged. "It's not only about me." I corrected him. Damon must have agreed with what I said, because he answered me.

"I told you earlier, that I wanted you." He said, softly. "That's not going to change or go away." He told me. I nodded, slowly. "I… I don't share well." He admitted. "I don't _want_ to share you." He said, leaning closer to me.

"What do you want?" I repeated.

"I want you." He said, again.

"What does that mean?" I asked. He sighed.

"I want you with me." He answered.

"Damon, what are we? We weren't even friends… up until tonight. Now, you're telling me that want me, you want _us_. What does that make you to me?" I asked him. He thought about it, my words finally resonating with him.

"Your extremely, attractive boyfriend," he finally concluded. I blinked.

"Boyfriend?" I asked to clarify. "Boyfriend?" I asked again. It just wasn't sinking in. He nodded. "We're dating?" I asked him.

"You asked what I wanted, and where I wanted to stand with you. I want you to be mine, and I gave you an answer." Damon expressed.

"Then… does that make you mine?" I asked him. He smirked and pulled me onto his lap. I faced him, straddling his lap.

"I'm yours." He said, concentrating on my lips. "I don't let go of the things I care about. I hope you know what you're asking for." He whispered.

"I hope you know what you're getting yourself into." I responded.

**Author's Note: As always, reviews are welcome! xD**

**XOXO**

**~Anneryn**


	12. Chapter 12

**Author's Note: Hello lovelies! Here's chapter twelve! ^_^**

**I DO NOT OWN VAMPIRE DIARIES OR THE CHARACTERS.**

Chapter Twelve:

My dreams were a tangled web of confusion. They were a rollercoaster of fear and bliss, ultimately giving me nightmares. I'd be lying if I said that I was hoping for dreamless sleep.

Shouting woke me up. I opened my eyes, trembling. I felt Damon kiss my forehead, next to me before jumping off of the bed and running at Stefan. What the fuck?

"And just what the hell do you think that you're doing Damon? You can't be doing this! Or going there!" Stefan yelled, outraged. Wait, he's upset because I'm here? Why would it matter? I mean, I didn't expect everyone to be ecstatic or overjoyed, but damn. He was reacting like a psychotic mofo.

"Calm down. This isn't any of your fucking business, little brother. Or have you forgotten that I'm stronger than you? What are you going to do about it? Does it look like I was hurting her?" Damon spat at him. The fire in Stefan's eyes only grew.

"She's in your fucking bed, Damon! And in case you haven't forgotten, you're not that much stronger. I'm drinking again, a little bit of blood every day. I'm getting stronger. Do you really want to play that card?" Stefan asked, trying to threaten him.

"You're still weaker than I am. This isn't your business, Stefan." Damon growled, looking increasingly lethal with every passing second. I got up. I really don't want them to fight… not about this anyway. And, the testosterone level needs to simmer down some. I walked over to them both.

"Stefan, this isn't about you, or up to you." I told him, quietly. He just gaped at me. I know I must look like hell, but I mean every bit of what I'm telling him.

"You can't be serious, Bonnie." Stefan said quietly.

"Yes, I am Stefan. And I don't see the problem, here. I'm a big girl; I can make my own decisions. What about Damon is so bad for me?" I asked him, daring him to say something.

"Are you seriously asking me that?" Stefan asked, incredulously. I nodded.

"You don't know what's been going on, or what I've been going through. And unless the people I surround myself with are trying to kill me, or you, I don't see how you can have a problem with this." I told him.

"Bonnie, can you hear yourself? He did try to kill you! Or have you forgotten?" Stefan demanded.

"It's past, Stefan. He's not the same person that he was." I argued. Stefan shook his head and pushed Damon away from him.

"I'm not going to let you do this to yourself, Bonnie." Stefan said, decidedly. I sighed.

"It's not your goddamned choice." I told him, quietly.

"Maybe Elena can talk some sense into you." Stefan said.

"Leave it alone, Stefan." Damon warned, but Stefan left. I sighed. I knew this wasn't going to be easy… but, it's nice to know that I have someone. I almost feel safe… and sane.

**Author's Note: Hope you all enjoyed it! Let me know what you think! The next chapter will be up soon!**

**XOXO**

**~Anneryn**


	13. Chapter 13

**Author's Note: Hey guys, I honestly was going to try and post this chapter last night, but I just got so busy. I ended up getting home crazy late, and then work today… anyways, here's the next chapter! You won't have to wait as long for the next chapter! ^_^**

**I DO NOT OWN VAMPIRE DIARIES OR THE CHARACTERS**

Chapter Thirteen:

Great, just fucking fantastic... I was calm at first. But, now it has officially sunk in. Stefan was pissed, not annoyed but **pissed**. And Elena is going to be even worse. On top of everything going on in my mucked up brain, I didn't need to add an Elena freak out.

She'll never understand that it's not about her. She won't take "no" for an answer and she'll twist everything so it will inevitably end up about her. How do I know this? Because that's what always happens. I don't need to be psychic or have a magical ability to figure that out. And, honestly I'm not sure what she'll do.

"Hey, don't worry about Elena." Damon said, drawing me away from my thoughts. I looked at him, surprised. I forgot that he was here. I get in the habit of losing myself in my thoughts. "There's nothing that you can do that will affect anything that she does." He told me, truthfully. I gave him a slight, hesitant nod. That's far easier said than done.

"I don't know." I told him. It's true; I honestly don't. I sighed.

"Let's go, being here isn't going to do anything… unless you want to witness another one of Stefan's self-righteous spaz attacks." Damon reasoned. I nodded.

"Where to?" I asked him, tiredly. I'm exhausted. I doubt I got more than two hours of sleep, tops.

Damon just smirked. "I'll take you home." He said, thinking about something. I nodded, numbly as sobriety and reality washed over me. The usual sinking feeling I keep in my gut returned. I realized that I would go home to the house that I always go home to, with a father who doesn't care.

I don't blame him, I honestly don't. We have never been close. I mean, we've never had the doting: father-daughter bond that some people have. That was never us. My mother came first, when she was alive. It was Mom, then his job, then anything else, then me. When she passed away, nothing changed. But, I had Grams… but she's not here now.

I shook my head. That feeling of utter disbelief never seems to fade. I can't believe that she's actually gone. Out of everyone that's ever been in my life, apart from my mother, I can't picture anyone more deserving of life. I have this empty void that never seems to fill.

"Hey, look at me." Damon commanded, softly. I blinked and looked over at him. "I never said I was leaving you. I'll stay… but only if you want me to." He explained. I gazed at him, confused.

"Stay?" I questioned. He doesn't mean… No, no…. He couldn't mean… Could he?

"Stay with you, tonight. I don't want you to be alone. And, I'll be able to hear your dad, so he won't bust you for me being there." He said, thoughtfully. I love his conniving scheming. He looks so deliciously devious when he gets that mischievous smirk on his face.

"I'd have to invite you in." I said. Whoa, where did that come from? Damon nodded.

"Unless you want me to sleep on your porch… and that might end up being a little awkward." He reasoned. I nodded. He's right.

"Let's go." I told him. I sighed. Well, things are turning out better than I anticipated… but I say that now… I have no idea what's in store.

**Author's Note: Reviews would be amazingly awesome. :^)**

**XOXO**

**~Anneryn**


	14. Author's Note

**Author's Note: **Hey guys, I'm so sorry that I haven't had a chance to update this story. Honestly, I'm a bit stuck at the moment, and things have been crazy here. My mind is all over place, as are my moods. So, I'm a bit of an emotional wreck, which is ironically how this story came to be. I pretty much just vented out everything I was feeling, labeled the thoughts as Bonnie's and called it chapter one.

Anyways, I just thought you awesome people deserved some sort of an explanation. I will update when I can, I just don't have inspiration for this story at the moment.

Much love!

~Anneryn


	15. Chapter 14

**Author's Note: Sorry about the seriously late update. I got hit with some inspiration, so YAY! :~) Enjoy**

**~Anneryn**

**I DO NOT OWN VAMPIRE DIARIES OR THE CHARACTERS.**

Chapter Fourteen:

After I invited Damon inside of the house, it wasn't hard for him to sneak us inside. We made it upstairs to my bedroom with no problems. It must be around 4 a.m. I'm not sure how much of the "night" is actually left, but I also can't begin to describe how happy I am that Damon is going to stay with me, so I don't have to be alone.

"Tell me what you're thinking about." Damon asked me in a quiet voice, as he traced the side of my face with his fingers.

"You," I told him, truthfully. He smirked.

"Well, that much is obvious. Care to specify?" He asked, cockily.

"I don't have to be… alone because you're here." I told him, quietly. He gave me a slight half-smile.

"I'm here; that's not going to stop." He told me, softly. I looked into his eyes, wanting to believe him. I want to trust him with everything that I am. I do trust him, and that scares me. I've been screwed over by so many people.

Honestly, once he knows my secrets, what goes on in my head… he's not going to want me anymore. I'm not worth it.

"I wish I could see what goes on inside your head." He confessed, out loud. I looked at him, surprised.

"And know all of my dirty little secrets?" I asked him, trembling, slightly.

"It depends on how dirty they are." He answered. I rolled my eyes. "I just want to see you, for you." He explained. I nodded, slowly.

"There is a spell we can try… but I'm too tired tonight." I admitted. He looked at me, thinking over what I had just told him.

"Tomorrow night?" He asked. I sighed and nodded.

"Don't blame me, if you don't like what you see." I told him. His gaze hardened.

"Nothing I see will change this…. I can't help you, if I don't know." He told me. I closed my eyes and refused to look at him.

"I know." I whispered. He held me as I fell asleep.

**Author's Note: Review and leave your thoughts. :~)**

**XOXO**

**~Anneryn**


	16. Chapter 15

**Author's Note: SO SO SO SO SO sorry about the delay! Here's a new chappie for you all! 3**

**I DO NOT OWN VAMPIRE DIARIES OR THE CHARACTERS.**

Chapter Fifteen:

I woke with a start. I tried to sit up, but found it impossible to move. I struggled against what was caging me. It took me a few minutes to realize that it was Damon that was keeping me rooted on my bed. I looked at him, bewildered. He woke up with my struggle.

"Bonnie," he said softly. "It's alright; I've got you." He assured me, quietly. I just looked at him.

"Let me up, Damon." I told him in an emotionless voice. He looked taken aback, but hid it quickly. He moved his arms and let me get up from both my bed and his grip.

"Bonnie look at me." Damon commanded, softly as he got off the bed, and knelt down beside me. I shook slightly, as I sat on the floor by my bed. I did what he asked. We locked eyes, but no words were said.

"I didn't expect you to stay." I whispered. He looked at me, as if saying that I was stupid.

"I told you that I wouldn't leave you." Damon pointed out, quietly. I nodded.

"I know, but I didn't think that you'd keep your word." I told him, simply. He sighed, understanding with perfect clarity. "You just don't make any kind of sense." I whispered.

"How don't I?" Damon asked.

"I just don't understand why'd you want me." I told him, truthfully. Damon hissed.

"I find that hard to believe." He argued. I sighed but said nothing.

"If we're gonna do this, we might as well do it, now." I told him, reluctantly. He nodded. I gathered what little confidence I possess and pushed him into a sitting position. I climbed onto his lap and straddled him. I pressed my forehead against his and willed him to feel my thoughts.

I felt a rush of feelings and thoughts flow from me into him. After it was over, I pulled away from him. He looked at me in a daze.

**Author's Note: I know it's short, BUT I'll update soon, promise. And the next chapter will have Damon's reaction. **

**XOXO**

**~Anneryn**


	17. AN

Hello my wonderful lovelies!

I know that I suck as a fanfiction author, right now. Things have just been rough. You know how life is: it just keeps throwing crap at you. I just wanted everyone to know that I haven't forgotten on my stories, and I am working on them, and plan to update them all when I can. (I even have a few new stories in mind *excited face*.)

BUT, inspiration has been kind of lacking here lately, SO, if anyone has any ideas, or suggestions for my stories, just sent me a PM and I might just love you forever.

So, I figured I better put my stories on temporary hiatus. I promise it's not forever, just until I get some things (aka life, and junk) figured out. I love getting your feedback, and I know how I addicted I get to a lot of the stories on here. So, I want you to know how incredibly sorry I am that I've been lacking.

I love you all!

*Mundo amounts of hugs all around*

XOXO

~Anneryn


	18. Chapter 16

**Author's Note: Hey lovelies, here's another chapter for you. I know that it's short, but I'll have another one up really soon. Reviews are love. ^.^**

**I DO NOT OWN VAMPIRE DIARIES OR THE CHARACTERS.**

Chapter Sixteen:

Damon looked at me, quietly. "I don't know how someone so beautiful can have such a warped vision of herself. Do you really think that you're broken, Bonnie?" He asked me, in a melancholy voice. I couldn't meet his questioning eyes.

"Now you know what's going on up there." I whispered, avoiding his prying question.

"You really think that; don't you?" Damon asked, pulling me back over to him, in our original position. He tilted my chin so that I was looking straight at him. His expression is unreadable.

"It's true." I told him, softly. That's when I saw it. That's when I saw all of the emotion hiding in his eyes.

"How can you be so blind to yourself?" He asked me, calmly. I looked at him, confused. After a minute, he moved his mouth to my ear. "You're anything but broken." He whispered. His voice made my entire body shiver.

"How can you be so sure?" I asked him. I strained my ears, waiting for an answer. Instead, I felt his mouth on my neck. I hissed and closed my eyes.

"We'll have to work on your loving yourself." Damon said quietly. Before I knew what was happening, I was on my back and Damon was on top of me, nestled in between my legs.

"And what is this, exactly?" I asked. He smirked.

"This is a distraction." He answered as kissed my slowly and sensually. "Right now, I'm gonna make you feel beautiful by worshipping your body." He whispered. I shuddered.

-.-

I lay still with my eyes closed, leaning on Damon, just thinking about everything that had just happened. Nothing happened and everything happened. It was a paradox of wonderful. I can still feel his mouth on my body, over my clothes, on skin on other parts, and everything that he said. He kept showering me with compliments but didn't cross any boundaries. His touch felt so intimate without making it sexual. He didn't push me to do anything I wasn't ready for.

"Bonnie, what are you thinking Baby?" Damon asked as he stroked my hair.

"Just about you, and how… at peace you seem to make me feel." I whispered. I felt him smile into my hair.

"You deserve happiness. I don't want you to loathe yourself. You're too amazing for that." He said, quietly.

"I didn't expect this at all, Damon. You're the last person that I ever expected to care this much for me. But, I'm glad that you do. I feel so close to you." I told him, sleepily.

"Get some rest Bonnie-bear. I'll be here in the morning." He said, kissing me lightly on the lips.

**Author's Note: Let me know whatcha think and leave me reviews, please and thank you. :] I appreciate everyone who reads the story. It's great getting your feedback. Much love!**

**Xo Xo**

**Anneryn**


	19. Chapter 17

**Author's Note: Hey guys, so about the delay. Here's a chapter for ya. I'll have a new chapter up soon. Enjoy.**

**I DO NOT OWN VAMPIRE DIARIES OR THE CHARACTERS.**

Chapter Seventeen:

I crawled out of bed, keeping my eyes closed. I walked to the bathroom quietly, squinting at the bright light. I shut the door and took off my pajamas. I turned on the shower and climbed in, once it was hot.

I blurred through my morning routine. I don't remember much of the shower, or picking out my clothes to wear. I grabbed my shoes and headed downstairs. I drifted to the kitchen; someone's cooking. Dad never cooks…

"Morning Bonnie," Damon grinned at me. I gave him a strange look. He actually stayed? I figured it was a twisted dream. I didn't think that actually happened. "I don't really know what you like to eat in the morning… SO hopefully you like eggs."

"Eggs are fine." I took the plate he handed me, still staring at him.

"You really have no faith in me, do you?" He asked, smirking. I looked away.

"Before last night, you never gave me a reason to."

"Fair enough, but you better get used to this. I'm not going anywhere. I know I haven't said it… But, I do care about you. Let me help you. You don't have to be alone in this." He stood in front of me. I traced the side of his face with my thumb and gave him a sad smile.

"Okay."

**Author's Note: I know it's short, but I really wanted this in there. Anyways, reviews are awesome.**

**Xo Xo**

**Anneryn**


	20. Chapter 18

**Author's Note: Alright all, here's the final chapter for ya! :D Enjoy.**

**I DO NOT OWN VAMPIRE DIARIES OR THE CHARACTERS.**

Chapter Eighteen:

"Damon why are you with me? We weren't even friends until last night." I looked up at him. He gave me a sad smile.

"Why are you fighting this?"

"I'm not; I just want to know why."

"Does it matter?"

"It does to me."

"Bonnie, you're intimidating. And, when you get to be as old as I am, you stop believing in coincidence. I felt pain radiate off of you last night. I'd be lying if I said I never thought about you in bed. But last night, I don't know what it was, but I just wanted to make your hurting stop. I wanted to be that person that made you happy. Is that so wrong?" He explained. I shook my head.

"No, that's… the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me. You care this strongly about me after just one night?"

"I do. If I can care about you, then I know you can care about yourself. You're amazing. You're going to learn to see it, just like I do." He kissed me, smiling. "I don't invest this much in just anybody." He smirked.

"I think I'm starting to." I brought my lips back to his. I don't know why it's so easy to believe someone else when they say I'm worth something… when I can't even believe myself. But, it's a start.

**Author's Note: Thanks for sticking with it. Hopefully you enjoyed it. Reviews are awesome! :D**

**Xo Xo**

**Anneryn**


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